I don't know if anyone ever reads this blog. For once I just want to know who reads it. So leave a comment.

So anyway, today, is our 6th months.

6 months has passed. It's still not that long but the amount of things that I went through with you, it was one heck of a memory. In my eyes, you are my everything. You are that special person in my life that I believe I would grow old with. I've had other relationships before. And I know that with you it is not the same like any other relationships i've ever had. I've never loved anyone this much before. It is even more than any I've ever given.

6 months, I was sooooooo fucking happy...and 6 months...I was sooooooo fucking sad. You are the only person who can make me the happiest man alive and the saddest man alive. You are so different Nurul. The way you speak, the way you move, the way you smile...I am lucky that I met you. Very lucky. Nurul Huda, that will be a name I will never forget in my whole life.

Nurul, I am sorry for everything that I have ever done. I'm sorry I gave you a big scar. I wish to take that back but I know I can't. If I could go back in time, I would have tried to stop it from happening. I didn't mean to give you that. And I'm sorry. I have hated myself from that day on till now and whenever. It wasn't me that night. And I wish to never see that person again.

I don't know what I did to deserve to be with you. To have experienced those great moments with you. Good and bad. You were my greatest, the peak of my everything and now I'm on my all time low. So low that you can't even find me in the deepest part of the ocean. I don't think I deserve to be with you. Time and again I've hurt you. Time and again I couldn't live up to your expectations. Time and again I was selfish always thinking about myself. But now I am trying to understand. And I guess I do.

Thank you love.

Love, this song that is playing has it's purpose.

I love you. And I know you love me. We both love each other so much deep down.
But...thank you for everything. You made my year, you made me have hope, you made me very happy, you made me learn alot of things.

I love you so much. No one can take that away from me cause my mind and heart has been tied to yours.

I'm trying. Real hard. It's not easy. So give me a break and try to understand.

i dont think there's gonna be any more post from now till whenever. so yeah. goodbye everyone. till next time. just keep checking. we might update.

A few more days till tuesday.

I want to know your decision on that day.

Today. You told me something. And If it doesn't happen and i'm still being treated the same way. You know I won't hesitate. I love you. But it's going to take a while to love you back like before. I didn't want this to happen. But you pushed me to that. And I seriously am sick and tired of it. At least reply my text. Have it your way. Don't blame me.

i love you.

4 days left. I love you still. The same way like I have always loved you. I know you. And I'll let you find it out on your own. my mind is worried that there are bad things happening.

5 more days to go. I hope for the best. But I expect the worse. I love you. :( today i feel really really sad. Everyday I've been pushed away. They've become more important. I am slowly being pushed. I don't feel special to you anymore. 5 more days and counting. I think of you all the time. Even when I'm not at my senses. But I guess I don't have that special place in your heart. I can't get you out of my head. This is so painful. I have not slept for 2 days now. I had only 1-2 hours of sleep. I wish I could sleep but I can't because I have so much things on my mind. Things I have to do, things I have to correct. And never a day that goes by that I never stopped mentioning about you. I am not ok.

I love you. And I swear I miss you. I really do. I miss the old one. The new one is empty. The old one was real. The new one is not.

Today was our 5th month. happy 5th. it was disappointing. but i still love you. 6 days and counting. Why am I still standing. So close. Yet so far. ily

It's getting closer. This fear.

8 days and counting. i hope i can make it.

I've officially broke down. Writing new posts is what keeps me sane.

I'm am now going crazy. I can't stop thinking of things. There's so much on my mind. So much that it hurts so bad. My head fucking hurts. Migraines time and again. My eyes are sore. My body is physically and mentally exhausted. But I'm still standing my ground. Blow after blow but I'll take it head on. But I don't know for how long. The pain is unbearable. But I have to hang on. FUCK!!!!

What is happening to me??!!?! I have never felt this way before. Not this bad. Not even when I had to repeat another year of school have I ever felt this way. Not even when that certain someone cheated on me made me feel this way. Why is it soooo different with you??! WHY?!! Why the fuck does it hurt alot but at the same time it doesn't hurt alot??! WHY?!?!?! WTF!!!!! I have nightmares sleeping. I have moments in the day whereby I just vanish into my thoughts thinking of you and jeopardizing certain important things. There are moments when I'm happy for a certain period of time but suddenly my mood just vanishes because of these thoughts. Thoughts that tell me that bad things might happen. Thoughts that make me feel scared shitless. Thoughts that make me feel so insecure. And thoughts that tell me to do things which in the end I didn't because I know somehow I will regret it for the rest of my life. I don't want to talk to anyone about it because writing it out is by far the best because you have the "backspace" button to undo any wrong speech.

I am trying and doing my best. I don't mind that I have to do it alone. But at least give me a chance to make it right.

Honestly, there are times when I really want to give up. I really do. And in the end I didn't. Maybe you won't get it why I don't give up. I thought you would give me a chance to be even more special even thought we've not been together long. But action speaks louder than words. I know I can't be compared. But I tried.

And what keeps me from letting go is because I love you so much. And I guess this might be the last post because apparently it's only been me updating. I guess our story stops here till now. Hopefully it continues. Hopefully the life and times of Sufi and Huda will have a happy ending.

I love you Nurul. I guess I said I'd do anything for you and I think I promised you that. Well, I guess I'll have to do just that. As long as you're happy I'll be fine even when I'm emotionally depressed and unstable.

I'm sorry.

But I love you so much.

I remember what you were wearing that day in this pic. This is our first pic together. You were going for karaoke at grandlink. And we bumped into fardly. And you were wearing zebra print tights. But you were still as beautiful as ever. I love you Nurul.